A rolling stone gathers no moss...

An interesting proverb...it kind of describes my life.  The proverbial stone is constantly in motion these days.  We are only three weeks away from our 19 month separation...sure, we may get to see him for two weeks at Christmas time, but in short, that will be the best AND worst two weeks of my existence.  I am already starting to tear up as Jake can hear his Daddy come in the door and immediately bolt from what he's doing to greet him with a very cute "Dadddeee, Daddeee, Daddy"  I do fear how Jake will respond when he sees someone other than Mike in uniform...he'll probably run with open arms to an impending disappointment when he sees the man is not his 'Daddddeee'.  It breaks my heart just thinking of it.  Cassidy has been slowly becoming a Mommy's girl over the last few months...sometimes saying some mean things like not wanting Daddy to read to her or pick out her clothes...she doesn't realize how short time with Daddy has gotten.  The baby, well, he has no clue...which is sad in a sense...he'll still have no clue when Mike does come home.  No clue who Michael is...and then just as they finally get their bond started, Michael will be leaving again. *unless by the grace of God this program gets expunged from the military's agenda*
There are many things to be thankful for in spite of the drama that begins to unfold daily...we haven't begun to argue or fight (yet), we sold the house in a whopping 5 days -- so I don't have to keep it spic-n-span any longer, or worry about whether it will sell -- we have a rental to move into, thanks to my internet stalking and my sister-in-law who viewed it on my behalf.  Although it's not something I'd buy, it serves as a nice place for us to live near family.  I have done some researching and I think I may be able to get the boys into a Mother's Day Out program and Cassidy will start Pre-K -1/2 days 5 days a week in the public school system!  The Y has a free membership for deployed spouses -- and they offer childwatch so that will also help with my sanity and ability to lose this baby weight :)  I just pray that it all goes smoothly -- moving alone is far from fun -- but I KNOW it can be done!  Lots of friends have offered their help...and I will definitely be taking them up on those offers :)  So, this blog will become a fruitful place once more...what else am I supposed to do?? I guess I could knit...finish ONE of my sewing projects...spend quality time with my kiddos...but the blogging will help with my venting...and keep Daddy up to date with our adventures, even while he's on a HUGE one of his own.

The day of wellness

On Friday we had the kids ALL visit the pediatrician for their 'well baby' visits.  I thought I was doing a brilliant thing by scheduling them all back-to-back with the same female (because Jake doesn't care for male ones!) provider...BUT I totally forgot that all of them would be getting SHOTS!! Thank goodness that my better half was able to help child wrangle while I talked to the doctor about each one's progress/issues/milestones.  And Dr Morton was a trooper -- she gave me direct eye contact, listened to what I said, and actually wasn't too distracted by Cassidy & Jake chasing each other around the small room, each of them running across the paper laddened table, Jake standing on a file box to reach the sink, or Will's soft coos and giggles coming from his perch in the double stroller :)  It was a madhouse in that 7'x7' room! 

Cassidy was first - she had had a physical at the beginning of the year before she started preschool, so she just got a quick once over - her tonsils bug me, they are always HUGE! She looked at them, "yep, they are HUGE...but does she get Strep regularly, stop breathing in her sleep at night?" "No"and "No" -- then no worries, they're just HUGE! One even touches her uvula -- maybe one day those will have to come out...no doubt it will be when Michael is over in the sandtrap!  Cassidy's stats: Weight: 34 lbs  Height: 40 1/2 inches
Vision: 20/20  Hearing: passed.  Cassidy is beginning to dabble in learning to play computer games, she loves arts & crafts, she is doing very well in swim lessons -she's getting ready for Pike class, she is a loving & helpful big sister.  She realizes that vegetables help her grow big and strong and most nights we can get her to try at least one bite of everything on her plate.  Cheese is her favorite food -- along with pasta and "chicken & french fries".  Our little Cami is just perfect! :)

Onto Will...Jake was still too spun up...and Will was calm, so she saw the opportunity for a good exam.  Will has been showing typical signs of reflux, coughing before & after feeds, grimacing after spewing his last meal, nasal congestion and forceful vomiting.  These symptoms have all evolved over the last 2 months...at first he was just getting used to my forceful let-down and ample supply, now he is truly bothered by the burning acid in his throat & tummy.  Poor little guy!  But it must not bother him too much, as he is still a whopping 13 lbs 3 oz! The heaviest of all three at this age :)  23 3/4 inches in length and wearing 3 month clothes...even some 6 month hand-me-downs...surely they've shrunk...right?  He's wiggling, kicking, cooing, smiling, opening his hands, recognizing our voices and sleeping through the night!  He sleeps in his crib now, and although he didn't sleep through the night for the first few nights in his new digs, he's back to sleeping all night -- well at least 6-8 hours!

Jake, the tazmanian devil in the room, was last.  He is speaking about 20 words, only about 25% can probably be understood by others...he's uber clumsy, I was worried about the doc questioning me as to his bruises...the many, many bruises this little guy sports are all badges of toddlerhood.  He weighs 26 lbs and is 33 inches...a big boy I tell you! [well, he's consistent on his growth curve--which is good!]  Things I didn't mention...but need to for the sake of remembering...Jake has shocked himself with an electrical outlet - just couldn't get there quick enough, he blows on his food regardless if it's cold or hot, he is very loving to point of possibly squeezing his brother to pieces, he loves to pull everything out of something *all the utensils out of the drawer, dirty dishes from the dishwasher, toys out of the bins, memory cards and other game pieces from their boxes --and strough them all over the basement! -- he is easy to put to sleep, say 'night night' and he waves to everyone and gets laid in bed and that's it!  He has all of his teeth minus his eye teeth, but based on his chewing & grumpiness, those are coming soon :)  He loves his "popi" - his green pacifier that is usually attached to him by a lanyard..but he still loves to carry more than one around, often stealing one from the baby, but then offering it back to him :)  He loves Dora the Explorer, talking on the 'phone' --most objects become phones -anything that resembles a phone, a remote control, computer mouse, cameras, even a potato one day!  Too funny!  And he just jibber jabbers as though he's conversing with someone...he's just soo quick getting a video of this is just impossible! 

So this seems a little biased, in that Jake got a lot more 'description' time...but he is just the most active of them all right now...I love his age! He is so clever and handsome...we're trying to let his little locks grow back to see if those curls are gonna come back or not...so far, it's really wavy.  I'm going to have to stop myself from looking at his little nest of hair and wanting to cut it! 

Again, it's amazing how quickly these beauties are growing!  I can't believe that it's been two months since we welcomed Mr Will -- it seems like he was always supposed to be here.  Building memories and developing 'good people' is our goal with this parenting adventure...let the fun continue!

Motivation

Oh...where does the time go?? I think I would have been a much more productive person before the invention of the personal computer!  This little box sometimes sucks the life out of my day.  I think I'm going to resolve to setting the kitchen timer and giving myself a limit -- so that I can get OTHER things done!  Right now the box is being my research tool --trying to figure out where to live and what to do with myself & the kids while hubby is deployed.  The question still remains...Where do I want to live?  I had sent out an email to some of my military wife friends...basically, "here's the pros/cons, whatcha think?" I have appreciated and valued their responses.  They have led me to new questions -- and really, I think we are leaning towards moving back to Texas.  This wouldn't take place until December probably -- just as we are celebrating the last major holiday with Daddy before he leaves.  There are so many reasons that this could be good...but of course, fear of the unknown makes me reluctant.  I need to just make the decision, feel at peace with it and move on...because dwelling on it is zapping my motivation to do anything else...and I really need to visit the gym!

The life of a military wife

Tonight we hosted a surprise party for a friend's 30th birthday, it was nice to throw my thoughts into something other than Michael leaving...but as the guests arrived, I began to reflect on just what we (military wives) do everyday.  Of the party attendees, two guys were away on TDY (business trip) leaving their wives with infants & toddlers to chase whilst going in two different directions; one guy is getting ready to move his wife, 4 week old & 22 month old sons to Colorado while he goes to Alaska for a year without them; another family is juggling their two small ones...one who is sporting a cast from his ribs to below his knees (fractured femur-ouch!); the birthday girl's family - who are dealing with a close family member's abduction; our family & two other married couples without kids...(I asked them if they knew they were coming to a birth control party!?!? LOL!)  There were about 10 kids - if it weren't for the two couples we would have definitely been out-numbered!  But I digress...as I looked at all of these families I felt proud - proud in the fact that they were living life.  A life that not many can understand.  But we didn't sit around and complain about what we didn't have, didn't understand or didn't like. Military wives are made from different piece of cloth - we rarely get a choice in the decisions made for our spouses regarding their jobs, we just have to live with the decision the best we can.  Even if that means living without them for a weekend, a week, a month, a year or more. Sometimes knowing that they're in harms way, missing birthdays, baby's milestones, holidays...all in the name of freedom.  Most Americans do not really understand how priviledged they live -- and I don't feel a sense of entitlement by loving a man whose chosen to serve his country; I feel blessed.  Blessed to know and love someone who believes in a cause greater than himself.  Yes, I could cry & carry on that my husband is going to be taken away from us...but what good does that do him?  he needs to know that I've got things under control here on the home front so that he can do his job overseas and have comfort knowing that his family is healthy and happy.  Does this make any sense? I'm just glad that I have friends who can find the courage to get out of their houses with children in tow in order to keep living their lives, despite what end of the earth their better half may be on!

Settling in

Well, I think we're all finally settling into the idea that Michael will be leaving -- well, as 'settled' as one can be.  The kids have no idea...and they won't until Daddy isn't around.  It makes me sad just thinking about it.  The idea that Michael will be gone for so long puts a burden on my heart -- can I raise these children well all by myself?  I have this guilt that I'm going to instill only my bad qualities in them, I'm the hot tempered, emotionally charged part of the parenting duo -- Michael is the calm and RATIONAL one - much more even keeled and very smart...hey, at least I get to win a couple of arguments for a while :)  Cassidy is hysterical because she often says "but you know everything Mom" -- I wish honey!

We are still uncertain of where the kids and I will be, but it is looking more and more like staying in Ohio is the best idea.  While it would be great to be closer to family in Texas, moving back across the country to stay for 18 months, then move across the country again to Virginia (where we'll be for maybe 2 years) really doesn't seem rational.  Even if we moved back into our old Texas house, whose around to support me & the kids?? Michael isn't attached to a squadron there.  We have some really good friends in town but the closest family is about 2 hours away.  Here, I'm plugged into the AFIT group --so we have military support; we've made some good friends, I have wonderful neighbors (babysitter, snow shovelers, playmates) all right next door!  I'm a short flight from family...and closer to Michael while he's in DC for training.  I think logically, it just makes sense to stay here.  I didn't even talk about trying to carry the two mortgages that we have thanks to our last PCS...a mere 6 months ago!

The initial blow was a bit bitter to chew, but I can't say that I was totally surprised by it.  Perhaps I am like the wives whose spouses went to Vietnam on multiple tours -- they had to do it alone while they feared the worst for their better half.  I am certain that God is watching over our family -- he doesn't have to take Michael to Afghanistan to show how quickly life can change, that could happen around the corner, on his way home from work, or in some freak accident in the backyard...life if precious EVERY day. 

I'm going to snuggle my kiddos and spend time with my man now...while I can!

My Deepest Condolences

So, yesterday we got the news...Michael was selected for AFPAK Hands...what is that you say?  "AFPAK Hands are the 'best and brightest' of our Armed Forces and are specially selected for his or her talent and either their knowledge of COIN doctrine, language or culture of the AFPAK region".  In one view (half full), this is an honor to be selected for this special assignment; joint tour credit; accelerated career progression is offered; and specialized training.  In the other view (half empty), the Captains & Majors involved with the project can expect to be 'engaged' for a period of 3-4 years...so the next ~42 months in the Brannon house will be something like this:

6 months - Daddy in DC for training - learning Afghan language, culture and what job tasks/responisibilities
12 months - Daddy 'in theatre', supposedly Michael has been assigned to Central Kabul (much better than a FOB *forward operating base* in my opinion, at least Kabul is somewhat of a modern city & has technology)
12 months - Daddy home (they've decided that 'home' will be Langley AFB)
9-12 months - Daddy back 'in theatre'

Roughly, that is 39-42 months spent on applying "their expertise to governance, stabilization, reconstruction and security" to implement the USG AFPAK strategy -- ya, whatever that means!

Stunned...virtually speechless.  That was my response...it was ironic that WE were the family chosen from all the people we know in the Engineer world.  There are 13 Air Force Civil Engineers attached to this project...everyone around the office trickled into Michael's 'cube' (office) giving their condolences...other friends via text, phone call or Facebook expressed their sadness...offered prayer.  GOD knows we need all of the prayer we can get. 
I keep running through all of the things that Michael is going to miss....holidays, birthdays...he's supposed to leave for Afghanistan the week of our 10th wedding anniversary.  And then, where are we supposed to live while Michael is away...his 'hub' will eventually be Langley AFB, Virginia (where he will do his job for the 1 year home) -- so do we try to move there now, do we stay in Ohio, do we move closer to family in Texas???
At this time, Michael is supposed to leave for training the last week of August.  He's trying to get that training waived and report at a later time, like early October.  He will be in Washington D.C. for 6 months training before he goes in late March...should we move to Virginia so that we can be closer to him -- would we even be able to see him while he's in training??  Then he'll deploy to Afghanistan for a year, return to Langley to work for a year...so, if we don't move now to VA, then when? When would be a good time to go? Now, since we've only just begun to get settled here?  Stay here, let Cassidy finish kindergarten then move that summer (when Michael should return home)?  Move to Texas, probably back into our Schertz house, or rent a house in the DFW area...for the 18 months that Michael will be gone and then move to Langley when he's supposed to return???  Oh the decisions...but the one problem is, he may not be able to move us at this time.  The first group of AFPAK hands didn't get to move their families until after they were already down-range.  I just want things to be taken care of so that I can just get some sort of comfort with the new "single mommy" lifestyle. 
I'd love to just have a life planner come and tell me what to do...I know that He will guide me, but sometimes it just isn't so clear...please pray for clarity and comfort for our family.

I think I have ADD...hmm??

So, is it just me, or is it 'normal' to start one task, think of something else while you're doing that task, begin another task -eventually getting back to the first task at hand....but possibly not finishing either one?  I haven't been my 'good 'ol self' in a while...who is that you say?  The "finisher" Cami, the one who made a list, checked it twice and felt accomplished at the end of the day....what has changed since then?  I've become a mother :)  Now my list is sooo much longer due to so many more clothes, so many more appointments, so many reasons not to even leave the house to DO the errands! (naps are a big one -- don't want to mess with those!)  Plus lack of sleep on my part makes getting motivated hard...I still have bare walls and pictures in boxes...and don't even ask if there are baby pictures up yet...I don't even think Jake's are in frames!  I am just now getting around to getting Will's birth announcements sent out -- I was much more on top of the other's kids...but I guess you can say that my standards have relaxed a little...hopefully not for good, just for the time that I am am ONE person with my TWO hands full with THREE beautiful kiddos FOUR and under! I will regain my totally obsessed with 'everything has it's place' self -- right now, everything's place is wherever it got left last -- good luck finding it!