Settling in

Well, I think we're all finally settling into the idea that Michael will be leaving -- well, as 'settled' as one can be.  The kids have no idea...and they won't until Daddy isn't around.  It makes me sad just thinking about it.  The idea that Michael will be gone for so long puts a burden on my heart -- can I raise these children well all by myself?  I have this guilt that I'm going to instill only my bad qualities in them, I'm the hot tempered, emotionally charged part of the parenting duo -- Michael is the calm and RATIONAL one - much more even keeled and very smart...hey, at least I get to win a couple of arguments for a while :)  Cassidy is hysterical because she often says "but you know everything Mom" -- I wish honey!

We are still uncertain of where the kids and I will be, but it is looking more and more like staying in Ohio is the best idea.  While it would be great to be closer to family in Texas, moving back across the country to stay for 18 months, then move across the country again to Virginia (where we'll be for maybe 2 years) really doesn't seem rational.  Even if we moved back into our old Texas house, whose around to support me & the kids?? Michael isn't attached to a squadron there.  We have some really good friends in town but the closest family is about 2 hours away.  Here, I'm plugged into the AFIT group --so we have military support; we've made some good friends, I have wonderful neighbors (babysitter, snow shovelers, playmates) all right next door!  I'm a short flight from family...and closer to Michael while he's in DC for training.  I think logically, it just makes sense to stay here.  I didn't even talk about trying to carry the two mortgages that we have thanks to our last PCS...a mere 6 months ago!

The initial blow was a bit bitter to chew, but I can't say that I was totally surprised by it.  Perhaps I am like the wives whose spouses went to Vietnam on multiple tours -- they had to do it alone while they feared the worst for their better half.  I am certain that God is watching over our family -- he doesn't have to take Michael to Afghanistan to show how quickly life can change, that could happen around the corner, on his way home from work, or in some freak accident in the backyard...life if precious EVERY day. 

I'm going to snuggle my kiddos and spend time with my man now...while I can!